Oh, Colorado in the winter. It’s a wonderful time of year filled with endless opportunities for frostbite, hypothermia, and general misery. If you’re looking for a fun and exciting way to ruin your winter, be sure to check out these things you never want to do in Colorado during the winter season.
- Go skiing or snowboarding. Why bother with the thrill of gliding down a mountain on snow when you can just stay inside and watch reruns of “The Price is Right”? Plus, who needs the exercise when you can just sit on the couch and eat a whole box of Thin Mints?
- Visit a hot springs. Who needs to relax in a warm, soothing pool of natural spring water when you can just take a cold shower and wake the F— up.
- Go ice skating. There’s nothing more fun than spending hours trying to stay upright on a slippery surface while surrounded by people who actually know how to skate. Plus, the risk of falling and breaking a bone is always a nice added bonus. You certainly wont want to visit Evergreen Lake. Its the largest Zamboni-maintained outdoor ice rink in North America so you’re sure to fall through the ice.
- Take a hike. Why bother with the breathtaking views and fresh mountain air when you can just stare out the window at your snow-covered backyard? Plus, who needs the exercise when you can just sit on the couch and eat a whole bag of Cheetos? There’s probably just snow everywhere too. Flip-flops don’t fair well in snow!
- Snow tubing? Yeah, you should pass. If I wanted to go sledding, I would buy a cheap unpadded plastic thing from Wally World and hike up a hill each time.
In conclusion, there’s nothing quite like experiencing the beauty and joy of a Colorado winter. So be sure to avoid all of these activities and stay inside your warm Texan home. Trust us, your frozen toes will thank you.
This is just a joke, we clearly love our great state.